The Godfathering: A DBIWC Sneak Preview

 
We open to utter darkness. Slowly we see an arc of light emerge, ever more brilliant by the moment. We can make out now that what we see is the sun rising over the Earth from space as we are slowly propelled backwards, watching the Earth get smaller by the second, as we are thrust into deeper and deeper space. A voice is heard;

“Since the dawn of human kind, man has built deities and created heroes to worship. From the depths of their imaginations, men have conjured up fantastical ideas and hard-to-believe beings from even harder-to-believe scenarios.”



“This…..is the burden of mankind. To curse a man with the ability to think and imagine; then curb that imagination with fanatical belief. Given faith to believe but not the tools to use that faith; with responsibility and yes, reality.”


“For mankind has generated and germinated so many ideals, so many godlike creations – but in doing so he has created something impossible to achieve; a benchmark too improbable to ever be attained.”



“Omnipotence. I think that’s what they strive for. The idea that one can reign above all – be it for the greater good or…..be it…not.”



“Let us join together now for this truly momentous occasion – The Godfathering!! A special event where only the most elite talent has been chosen to compete for the right to be elevated to God status. Many names you know – some, you may not. One thing is sure – all but one will fall in the quest to become ALL. Ladies, gentlemen and beings from the far reaches of the imaginative cosmos, let me welcome you all to - Showdown In Little Valhalla!”





 



We find ourselves in a place that looks like a cross between a Dr.Seuss cartoon and a Salvador Dali painting. All is quiet save for the sound of a persistent wind and occasional strange noise – a knocking; a bell chiming out of key; indecipherable voices, whispers.

The vision pans around to the right to where we see a group of females (we think?) with their backs to us. They appear to be doing various things, mixing something, fixing makeup, straightening…..their antennae? Yep, one of these girls appears to be wearing an antennae on her head and her skin is a strange blue hue. They look alien because they are alien. Well, not all of them. And they’re not all women either, as we discover when the one more or less in the centre turns and is revealed to be none other than DAVID LEE ROTH!!!



David Lee Roth: Wooooaaaaaahh! How you doing out there in viewer land? I am Diamond David Lee Roth, your host for these festivities and proclivities and other shenanigans we have in store for you tonight! OWW!



No siree Bob, there has never ever in the history of all unreality been anything quite like this here event, it’s big, it’s bad, it’s ugly and they call it The Godfatheriiiiiiinnnggg! That’s right boys and girls, ladies and gents and *ahem* every other walk of life in this wonderful universe (looks at attending ladies). And I gotta tip my hat to the god or gods or whoever made such scrumptious morsels of mutual understanding, if you follow me! *wink*



Now as I understand it, we are ready to kick things off here in…..in……wherever the hell we are! So, kick right back and settle in, get your best girl by your side….or whatever raises your umbrella, grab a drink and whatever else you need- get yourselves ready for – SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE VALHALLAAAAAAAAA!!! *salutes*

 
 
 
It’s time I introduced to you…..the commentary team for The Godfathering……..they’re outrageous! They’re bodacious! They may even be my sons! I give to you – Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted “Theodore” Logan – they are WYLD STALLIONS!!